Kicks

Firstly; if you are a prude, easily offended or generally narrow minded you might as well press that little red cross in the top right corner now. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I have always been open minded about sexuality; who you like, what you like is something that cannot be helped. Its genetics and people who tell you, you're sick or wrong are denying themselves of a truly amazing world. I 'came out' to my parents on my 15th birthday that I was bisexual and have had relationships with both sex's...as I said open minded and from a young age was taught that it was OK to be who I wanted to be.

Ive always been fascinated by fetish's, intrigued by what makes people tick. My fetish...is fetish. I was about 17 when I realised there was more than just 'sex' in sexuality. Google was my research assistant and I explored my boundaries. I found, nothing offended me.

Page after page I studied the more sedate things, swinging, furry handcuffs and role play in the bedroom. After time my clicks diverted to more hardcore things, Total Power Exchange, bondage, choking, rape scenarios etc.

The man..sorry...'lad' I was with at the time didn't get it. I wanted to try these things, just to experience and find out what i liked and what i didn't but to no avail.

We split up after some family issues and it gave me the opportunity to hunt down men that would try these things. I was an Internet fiend. I prayed all over 'hook-up' websites for the right open minded person.

The first few things I tried were as me being submissive. I enjoyed it, nothing...amazing really. Nothing that made me so excited that I thought....yup this is me. Some rope bondage, some very rough sex that left me with bruises on my face from him slapping me, even knife play. Non of which really did anything for me.

After getting into a bad situation with one person, I was knocked back. He took advantage of the fact I wanted to try these things and abused the trust I had in him. Yeh, it ain't nice, but it would never stop me on my fetish quest in the long term.

Then, along came a submissive male. It didn't start out as a D&s thing really, we were both sexually attracted to each other, both aware of each others turn on's but at the time I never considered being someone that was worth worshipping.

He made me feel special, powerful and like I could do anything to him without him freaking out. He made furniture, pixelated furniture but still...furniture. Beautiful, imaginative and down right kinky as hell!

I helped him with 'sizing'...adjustments and such and found I enjoyed them. I loved him being tied in the positions he was in. I'm not stupid, I know he was getting more out of it than just measurements....but so was I.

I feel for him. Head over heals in love and besotted by the power he gave me. I gave him orders, shouted, screamed and cursed at him....all of which, felt great. Being able to finally abuse a man without him yelling back at me. Getting my way, how I wanted it and when I wanted it.

Our relationship this far, was only virtual. He rebuilt my confidence and brought out that stubborn bitch that was deep inside me. I vowed I would experience this in reality.

3 years later I finally flew out to meet him. I felt ridiculous again being judged for taking such a big leap of faith. Telling friends and family I would be fine, all the time doubt trickling over my new found Dominance that this could all go terribly wrong.

But it didn't. It completed my long 9 year quest to find my fetish.

I sat on his face and had my ass cleaned. I forced my sweaty feet between his lips. I squirted pee into his open mouth. Nothing felt wrong or weird. Every single second of it felt like this was it, this is what I am meant to be doing.

The most erotic, satisfying and heart pounding part of it...was putting his new leather collar round his neck. That feeling that I owned him, he was mine and was giving himself to me. Trusting me and my decisions, giving me everything I needed.

Now a few months after the trip I feel incomplete and lost that my new bitch isn't here with me. Isn't right next to me making me feel perfect again and making me feel worth something.

I need to feel like it again and already plan to head out there again next year.
I will return every year until he is able to be in a TPE relationship. I wont give up and I will get what I want.

I found mine, if you haven't already....trust me, go find yours. It will be the best thing you have ever done.